Thursday, October 14, 2010

Not on the list

One of my oldest friends is getting married this saturday.   We've been friends for as long as I can remember.   Our families have been friends for decades, and we were always together as kids.   She was my first best friend.   She's 2 years older than me, so I always have looked up to her.   We moved away to Michigan when I was 5, but we still stayed friends.  She came to visit me and I of course came home to see family and got to hang out with her along the way.    Through the years, we were never the kind of friends who spoke all of the time, but we always could catch up where we left off, like family.    

When I got married, she of course was a bridesmaid in my wedding.    She spent the night with me the night before, and we stayed up talking about how my life was about to change.   Then, shortly after I got married, she moved away to California, which is where she's lived since.    Now, she's never been very good at keeping in touch, but that's just kind of how she is.   But through the years, I've tried to keep up with her through emails and the occasional phone call.    The last time I saw her was almost a year ago.   She came in town to visit and we went to lunch.  We had a great time catching up, and it seemed like no time at all had passed.   Not long after that, she went to Paris on vacation, where she met a guy.  We spoke a few times through email about this new guy, and how the relationship was developing.   And then......  that was it.   I haven't heard from her since.    

It's been about 9 months since we've spoken.   The last email that I sent to her got no response.    News came of her engagement through the grapevine.   After I heard, I called her and left her a voicemail telling her congratulations and that I wanted to hear all about it.   No response.   Then, I sent her a text saying the same thing about a week later.  No response.   Then, I sent her another email.  No response.   

And now, the wedding is Saturday, and I'm not even invited.    The wedding is here in Kentucky, and no doubt she's already in town, getting ready for the rehearsal which is probably tomorrow.    Lots of my friends are traveling in for the wedding, and even some of my family members are going.   But not me.  

I don't understand.   I don't understand how she could just forget about me.   We never had an argument, or a falling out of any kind.   The last time we were together was great!    And yet, here I sit, with no response in over 9 months.    

She's my oldest friend.   She was IN my wedding, and I'm not even invited to hers.    I'm a little bit angry about it, but I'm mostly just sad.    Sad that I mean so little to someone who means so much to me.   I've never even met the guy she's about to marry.   

I've always tried to be a good friend to my friends.   I try to be there for them, to be supportive, to show that I care.   And so little of them have returned the favor.    

I guess I just have to realize that she obviously doesn't care to be my friend.    And I guess there's nothing I can do about that.    So.... I wish her well.   I hope that she has a beautiful wedding, surrounded by all the people she cares about.      


  1. Oh Ashley, that would absolutely break my heart! I am so sorry! I think the lack of closure would be the think that hurt me the most. The not having any idea what led to it in the first place. I'm just so sorry! That stinks!

  2. So sorry Ash. I know how that must hurt. I'm praying for rain. :)

  3. Wow...I hate the feeling of being forgotten during an event, but a wedding - that's a different story. Considering your relationship, why wouldn't she want you there? Or at least want to talk to you about it? Sometimes I can understand the small guest list at a wedding, but it seems as though that's not the case. That's a sad ending (without closure) to a nice friendship. :( I'm sorry to hear it...

  4. I'm so sorry :(
    This must really hurt.

    I'm sure there is a good reason...

  5. Oh Ashley I'm so sorry... this was awful to hear, I don't even know what to say. You tried to get a hold of her and she didn't bother to call, that would definitely break my heart.

    When my husband and I got married I was thankful to have all the bridesmaids and groomsmen around me (minus one of my sisters, it was hard) however something I regret now is our best man. After my husband and I were married we opened our home to the Best Man who was going through a divorce... he thought it was okay to seduce me. It wasn't. We no longer speak to him and looking at my wedding pictures I hate seeing him standing next to us.

    There are several things we regret in life, you shouldn't regret a thing, you did what you could and I hope that things end up working themselves out.

  6. I'm so sorry Ashley. It's a shame when people we've been friends with for many years treat us that way. I have a "friend" like this as well. Again, I'm so sorry - the least she could do was give you an explanation. Big hugs my friend. xoxoxo